Day 8

Today was a good day! I had a therapy session that was good for me I think. I started talking about some things which are normally really hard for me to acknowledge. I got through the hour though, and felt much better after.

I had a tense time with the fam. I got into an argument with my gran because she drives me nuts sometimes, but we talked tonight and I apologized for being so short-tempered lately. I'm just so stressed with my eating issues that it's been pouring into the rest of my life. So I feel better that we at least talked about some stuff.

For dinner I made some Italian herb chicken and penne. It was really good!

I also started reading this book today. It's called Brain Over Binge and I really love it. It makes so much sense to me. Its theme is how I'm really in control of my binges. It's the "animalistic" part of my brain that urges me to binge, because I've created this habit for myself. But I can break out of that. The real me is what's in control and I can separate myself from those urges. I already feel more in control, and like I'm free. Something just clicked for me, in a way no amount of therapy has. I mean, I've been in therapy for a decade and it's never come close to helping with my binges. If anything, I've felt more out of control the last year since I've really started to deal with issues.

So basically, I'm empowered to really make a full recovery. I feel like I'm there already. I know I'm not magically cured, but I can feel the change in my thinking and the way I view my binges and food already. I mean, usually at this time of night it's bad. I almost always binge. I have absolutely no urge to. The thoughts might still be there, but those aren't me and I most certainly am not going to listen to them because that's not what I want to do.

I feel So. Fucking. Free.